Vows and Woes
by Frivolouswhim
Summary: In the aftermath of the unexpected reunion, Robin is loyal to his wife, but already too deep in feelings for Regina. Marian has her own revelation to make.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. I just played with them.

**Note**: I had no beta, keep that in mind, ;)

His hips keep bucking into her, back and forth, his rhythm steady, almost completely out and then back in. Her legs are wrapped around his waist and he's supporting himself on his forearms, his hands laced in her hair, lips attached to hers. He's on top of her, and she feels engulfed and completely overcome by his entire being. He's strong, heavy but he's careful not to crush her. He's a solid presence and he doesn't stop. He keeps thrusting, his breath is heavy and she is panting. The fire is crackling beside them, food and wine long forgotten, it's the desire and that connection that matters. They both gave in to it.

She tears her lips from his to gasp for air, turns her head away as she comes, her toes curl and her legs tighten their hold around him, but he doesn't stop. Her body stiffens, her back arches off the blanket on the floor beneath them, and her chest presses against his as much as it is possible.

It occurs to her that he is the first man who enjoys this privilege of her absolute consent and surrender, or her relinquishing control that was always carefully in place in self protection. The first man she doesn't bed while she's the one calling the shots, the first man who doesn't fear or wish to stake a claim on her bound by marriage vows. She's opened her heart and trust and now she's giving him her body, too, and it's overwhelming because this is a different kind of physicality, and it's just a beginning.

A leap of faith. Scary, unknown territory for her but powerful and when she comes down from her high, he continues moving, kisses her neck and collar bone, and she cannot stop thinking about this. Her body is sensitive, she will be feeling sore later, but she just stares at the base of his neck and his veins popping a little, and she watches his body move on top of hers, and into hers. She bites her bottom lip and moans because it's a continued sensual overload even after she's come. He keeps moving and moving, shifts a little once he feels her body relax after her climax and then he finds his own release. It makes her smile, this is something they are in together. She's not alone, it's not one sided, and it's new.

He stays in position, brushes the hair from her face and kisses her gently afterwards. She's not new to sex but she's new to this.

By the end of the evening, it's all gone and feels like she has just awoken from the sweetest dream she ever had to the harsh reality. It was too good to be true. This and everything else she has just begun sharing with her soul mate is swept away by the past coming back - literally. It's all torn from her grasp and she doesn't know what she's done wrong this time. She wanted this and she tried.

She feels like a fool. For believing, even for a second, that it was real. _You foolish girl_, her mother's voice rings in her ears and she can't bear to look at Emma Swan or the happy scene in front of her, of Robin kissing and hugging the love of his life. The woman he would have walked through hell for.

It was a beginning and it now comes to an end. Her legs wouldn't take her away fast enough, the air is gone from her lungs and she desperately needs to breathe, so by the time Emma looks up at her again, shock and remorse on her face, Regina is gone. Only the trail of quickly disappearing purple smoke is what gives a clue that she was there just moments ago.

It's hours later and Regina is emptying her stomach in her bathroom. The food and the wine and everything else she has had earlier are finding their way out of her body. It's not her heart that hurts, it's not her newly returned resilient blasted thing of hers that is aching. It's protecting itself, as it always has, and it's deflecting. So it's her stomach bearing the impact, her nerves and her limbs are feeling it. There's a knot and it's a sharp piercing pain, and she cannot even think or look at food so tight are her insides.

She washes her mouth and then tries to wipe away the horrid taste, and when her reflection in the mirror damn near scares her, she washes off her make up, too. She's shaking now, partly because of vomiting and partly because of anger. This is familiar, she knows this and doesn't want it. She is angry and frustrated and some years ago Emma Swan may have been fried on the spot, but not now. And that's the worst. It's herself Regina feels disgusted and angry with. She should have known. She's been burned so many times and still, she keeps making the same mistake. _I never learn from my mistakes_, her own words ring in her ear.

She trusted Rumple when he offered to teach her. She trusted Snow White to keep her secret and then to return her mother's heart and be a happy family. She trusted her mother despite her body bearing her scars, the reminders of the mother's cruelty. She trusted Emma. She trusted Robin. And she didn't trust her mind screaming not to open up. That she developed feelings wasn't new. It's the faith, the belief that she has never allowed before, that was what made the difference with Robin. And that hurts the most.

Anger without blame is the hardest and as much as she wants to blame Emma or Robin or the not-so-dead wife, or just about anyone, the person she is now knows it's no use. Emma is a fool but it's Emma. The good person that she is, the same person who has given her chances time and time again, merely saved a life. And Robin... Robin reacted the same way she did when Daniel was brought back for that brief time just last year.

She feels sick to her stomach, to her core, because she believed this to be a true second chance, and she gave it her body and soul. She can feel the soreness in her thighs from the sex earlier, it was a good and exciting reminder throughout the day and now it makes her sick. She's completely opened up and now she's left with a gaping wound.

She vows that this was the last time.

People immediately go quiet in the Diner when she steps in. It's not the first time this happens, she's had a life time to get used to it. The town has renewed interest, however, because of her ill fated romance with Robin Hood which came to a public end right here a little over two weeks ago. Her face is impassive, neutral even, and she stares some of the people square in the eye. Of course they look away.

Regina spots Emma sitting by the counter and the Savior, although clearly surprised at first, does not look away. Her face is a mixture of determination and guilt and she holds her gaze. Regina approaches without breaking the eye contact and once she sees Emma open her mouth to speak does she turn her attention elsewhere.

"My usual," she tells Granny with a quick, fake smile, but the owner of the diner doesn't move, instead looks at Regina expectantly. "Please," Regina adds for the sake of politeness, like a child that has been scolded and only then does Granny move. Regina narrows her eyes when she catches the self satisfied smirk.

"Regina," Emma sounds uncertain but Regina does not turn to her.

The blonde has been trying to get a hold of her but much like anyone else, had no success. Only Henry is allowed in, he comes and goes whenever he pleases, but even her son doesn't get to talk about the one thing Regina refuses to ever deal with again. Her son, the one person she continues to adore with all her heart, has tried to cheer her up, to get her to talk, but she adamantly denied any hurt over the matter. He would sigh each time, shaking his head, knowing her better than that.

But she's here to make a statement to the public. Life goes on. Some things are not meant to be and it's time for acceptance of fate. It's time to put a lock on the doors and never to open them again.

"Look, I know you're angry-"

"What for?" Regina finally turns before Emma could finish.

The face staring back at her hardens. "Could we talk privately?" Emma asks.

"Does it concern Henry?"

"Regina, you know what this is about."

"Miss Swan, let me be clear once and for all. You and I have nothing to talk about other than the son we share."

Emma can see through this, even Regina is aware, but looking at the blonde's face is a reminder of her own conflict. Anger and blame comes so easy, and she struggles against it, maybe if she put some of it on her son's birth mother, it would be a solution but Regina is tired of feeling. A woman lives because Emma did not let her die – the same way Emma saved Regina's life before, and as instinctive as it is, she doesn't have it in her to blame and go to war with Emma Swan, no desire to relieve history any more than she already had to.

But looking at the conflicted face staring back at her, Regina doesn't find it in her to ease the guilt that is so clearly there either.

"For what's it worth," Emma whispers so that the straining ears and eyes don't get a field day, "I never meant to cause you pain."

Regina's smile is sardonic and she chuckles, it all comes with the mask the savior must be familiar with by now, and she leans a little closer. "Since when does the sudden end of a short lived fling cause pain? I'm a big girl, Miss Swan. Thank you for your concern but from now on, mind your own business."

It's a lie, because inside Regina has been burning up, torn before frustration and sadness, suffering a loss and being burned by taking a leap of faith she hasn't allowed in a long time, but this is a front and a mask and she's a master of it. And that's how it is going to be from now on to the day she dies, for there is no way she'll go through this again.

Granny returns with her coffee and Regina puts the money on the counter, not waiting for the change. Her eyes sweep the diner as she turns and with her head held high, she leaves.

She doesn't anticipate running into Robin of all people as she exits the diner. She knew this would happen and yet it is still sooner than she has anticipated but then, Regina thinks, her whole life has been about the unexpected turns and how to get through them. They stare at each other as she stands on top of the stairs. He has not come looking for her since they last saw each other and it made it easier. Somewhat. She doesn't need his pity, she doesn't need him to remind her that second chances are not needed when the first is back.

And now, she thinks, she'll make it easier for him, too. She gives a fake smile, nods her head and walks past him as though he was nobody important. And he isn't, because she cannot afford that to happen again. She doesn't look back as she walks to her car, and he doesn't call after her either. She lets out the breath she didn't realize she was holding, she's part relieved and part disappointed, but she keeps walking, away from him, and keeps telling herself that she's strong enough to do this. She's survived much, much worse.

What she doesn't see is the way his hand reaches for her before he withdraws it, how his lips open with her name on the top of his tongue, left unsaid in the wake of her quick retreat. She doesn't get to see the way he runs that hand over his face in frustration and he stays rooted to the spot, because he has no idea which way to go; in to the diner or to follow after her.

**To Be Continued….**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. I just played with them.

**Note**: I had no beta, keep that in mind, ;)

**Note 2**: Wow, thank you so much for the encouraging reviews. I appreciate it all! I hope this chapter will live up to expectations, too :)

Marian is peacefully asleep on the bed as he sits and watches over her. Robin lost count of the times he has literally pinched himself and jolted awake in the past two weeks, trying to figure out if what was happening was reality or just a dream.

Magic, it was always the answer. He's lived around it, hated it, then used it, found the beauty in it and now he is feeling all of it all at once. He is living a blessing and a curse at the same time. Never has he been so conflicted and so torn as he is now. He's led his men through battles, faced death, has murdered during fight and nothing in the past has compared to the absolute inability that he's feeling right now as to figuring out what to do.

The son he adores looks at his mother like a nice lady who came to visit, he understands she's 'mama', he recognizes her face from sketches, but it's papa who can comfort him, it's his papa he clings to. It's his father whose good night kiss he wants, it's his embrace the little boy craves. There's no emotional connection and his wife's face often betrays the bravery and dignity with which she tries to bear it.

Looking at Marian is like ripping open a wound he thought has already healed. He remembers the searing pain in his heart when he had to admit to himself that she was gone. The lonely and sleepless nights blaming himself for what happened. The guilt, the regrets, the desperate need and plea to whatever higher power there was to let her return to him. He remembers the void and the loneliness in the years that followed, how close he came to suffocating in the somber life without her until his son steadily eased the pain.

And now she is back, healthy and sound asleep on the bed in this new home they were granted by the Charmings, an empty house left vacant for some unknown reason. It is cozy, good enough for a family of three but it doesn't feel like home. His boy has a roof over his head though, and that is something he has gotten used to over the past year while living in the castle. They spent some time camping in the woods after the curse brought them over, but that was broken and the memories returned. Memories that made so much difference, an importance that is nagging at him now.

It's been two weeks, two weeks of an emotional downhill slide, a rapid descent into misery and guilt.

It was a jolt at first when they were reunited, a frenzy, he remembers hugging Marian tight, kissing her, because he had dreamt of a moment like that for so long, but then he remembered Regina and that she was gone. And as the minutes turned into hours, and he meant to take the time to seek her out, Marian kept pulling him back in, and then so did the explanation he didn't have as to why he would need to leave her side even for a moment.

But reality, the present itself, was not something to ignore. Soon he came down from his emotional high, his mind wandered to the woman he has been seeing. It was a shock at first when it hit him, how after taking Marian home safe and sound, and letting her rest and putting Roland down to sleep, he found himself turning and ready to leave and go to _her_.

It was the instinct to check up on her that was a reminder and served as shock value. There was a troubling conflict in his mind because he knew Regina enough by now to figure how she must be feeling and the longer he has been apart from her, the worst the impression she must be getting, but he kept staying, because he found himself unable to tell his wife that he has moved on and that he actually has somebody now. Each time he opened his mouth to speak and to say something, the words didn't come.

And Marian didn't know, not at first, for all he wanted was answers to the many questions he had and those were distraction enough. And when Marian explained what happened, of being captured and held for execution, Robin felt numb before anger, disappointment and mortification. The Queen.

It's been over two weeks, and his mind has had no break whatsoever. It has been tearing him apart.

He couldn't explain at all what he was feeling, it was a mess, but the strongest emotion in all that jumble and chaos was guilt.

His mind has been raging, his heart has been torn but his body has been restless, itching to walk out the door and seek Regina out – to talk, to demand answers, just to see her. He couldn't deny that he was upset, and that he felt the weirdest kind of betrayal and yet… the truth of the matter was; he had what he lost, Marian, and yet he's been missing _her_.

He did mean to talk to his wife frankly, his gorgeous, healthy, very alive wife, the same woman he has shared everything with in the past, but it's not working.

"Robin, talk to me. Please," she begged almost daily, but he shook his head and quiets her with a hug. He embraced her each time, promised that she's safe but something has missing. It angered him and he blamed himself and a part of him blamed Regina, he blamed her for the past and blamed her for the present.

That blame has been hard to process. The Evil Queen has kept his wife from him, his loyal and strong wife, the same woman he has hurt badly before they parted for a time he, over the years, thought was forever. But as the days passed and his head began clearing, the anger slowly left. He has always been aware of what Regina was capable of, of who she was, he has felt and experienced it himself, but, and it is on his mind constantly, he's seen beyond. It took a few days but Marian standing in front of him gave clarity on this; Marian lived. Whatever happened, his wife survived and what was left was his own guilt and involvement in how they parted. Not Regina's.

There had been strain between them before Marian's disappearance all those years ago, and he apologized to Marian over and over again since they reunion. He snapped one evening all those years ago because he ran out of patience, they argued before he left the camp for a short while to go on patrol, only to return to disaster. John has saved Roland, but he had no idea where Marian had disappeared. Some of his men who stayed behind died, the sheriff of Nottingham had sent his guards after them and they surprised the group.

His Marian went missing, and when Frair and John suggested that she drowned in the river nearby where some of their brothers did, too, Robin refused to believe it at first. But the days turned into weeks and they turned into months and there was no sign. He searched the river, he searched the nearby woods, he looked for signs but nothing. It was his fault. He had let his anger get the better of him and he wasn't there to protect his family. Marian died because he failed her. He had freed her from the Sheriff and let their love cloud his judgment, he was the reason why she lived and then died as a fugitive.

What followed was years of remorse and doubt before hard learned acceptance.

And now? That guilt is back. If only he had known what he knows now. If only he had known that he should have waited longer and that she would indeed return to him.

But he didn't. He has let go. He has moved on. And as the anger over Regina's past actions evaporated, as his shock over Marian's return wore off, his feelings for Regina, his present, began seeping back in to wreak havoc.

Just a few weeks ago, Regina began letting him in. Just a few weeks ago she began opening up, letting him get close, began showing him what was beneath the surface and he tried to argue himself, briefly, that this was new and has hardly began and maybe it wouldn't hurt either of them that much but Robin of Locksley was a honest man and he was honest with himself and it's been much, much longer than that.

It began many months ago in the Enchanted Forest with what seemed like a simple physical attraction at first. He kept thinking and fantasizing about the beautiful but closed off Queen, the woman who stubbornly and rudely refused to thank him for saving her life. Then the attraction went beyond and it turned into genuine curiosity, then slowly a need, to want to know more.

He could see her, beneath the armor, looking sad and beautiful and he was drawn to her. She was dangerous and catty, but also oddly vulnerable and she was like an open book to him that nobody else seemed to be able to read as well as he did. He began looking out for her when she wanted anything but that. No matter what she said or did, she couldn't scare him away. She was infuriating, childish, deadly and everything else that should have pushed him away but he stayed because she was fascinating, _stunning,_ she was unlike anyone he has met before. He used his boy's safety as an excuse, and then offered his services to Snow White and her prince to defeat the witch, but noble and heroic his excuses were, the truth remained selfish and hidden, only for him to know.

That here in this new world, with all those memories forgotten she has let him in was something new and exciting at the time. The moment the curse broke and memories of the past year returned, he knew he was in too deep. It was a connection he couldn't explain, not even in the face of the truth; he's been drawn to her way before she even truly noticed him.

He runs a hand down his face as he makes sure Marian is still sleeping. It's late, way after midnight and it's dark in the room but he is keeping an eye on her. She's safe, and he owes her that.

_Destiny_, he repeats in his head as his mind wanders once again. It explains it, he hopes. Soul mates. He has to put a label on what he is feeling because it's driving him insane.

Bliss and the unimaginable wish coming true aside, things were too good to be true. Of course it was Roland who triggered the inevitable conversation one day.

"Papa, when we go to Regina again? "

"I don't know, Roland," he said, unease written all over his face because, of course, the question shouldn't have surprised him and yet it caught him off guard with its timing. They were having breakfast and Marian was just sitting down, eyeing the unusual equipment of this world in this new kitchen.

"Why didn't she came? She promised."

"Eat your breakfast, Roland, we'll talk about this later."

It was the first time Robin snapped at his son and the boy didn't argue. His young eyes saddened in confusion before turning to his plate.

"Not hungry," he hung his head.

Robin felt terrible. Roland has had a life full of joy and freedom, he adored his papa and, most importantly, trusted him. He listened to him and aside from a few typical childish tantrums, never had Robin ever reprimanded the boy for something he didn't do. He didn't do anything wrong this time either and Robin closed his eyes briefly, instantly regretting his tone.

"How about you help me fix things around the house when we are done eating?"

Roland shrugged in response, and Robin could tell it was partly reaction to his tone and partly the child's stubbornness itself. Regina had promised him that she would take him out for ice cream and to the park, along with Henry, whom Roland had instantly taken to. The boy waited, the promise edged into his young brain, but Regina never came. Of course she didn't.

Robin did not meet Marian's eyes, he avoided the gaze he was sure was questioning.

"Roland, darling, would you like to spend the day together outside?" Marian was kind and gentle and patient with the son who treated her as a stranger, and Robin was thankful for that.

Roland looked at her, then at his father, and when he spoke, he had no malice, no intention to hurt, it was rather his innocence and childlike honesty that cut deep. "Can I go with Little John? I don't like it here."

Roland did end up spending the day with Little John. Not only did his son's plea strike a chord and make him unable to reject yet another request, but Robin knew the time has come to have a talk. Marian kept her feelings and thoughts under wraps, but he recognized the lines around her lips, the way her eyes were seeking out his and he recognized the strain.

"Regina," was the first word out of his wife's mouth when he returned after dropping their son off with the best of his merry men.

They had gone for a week without this coming up and Robin had never pegged himself a coward but he was indecisive, uncertain and he had had no idea what to say. This time, however, it was time to face the music.

He found her still at the kitchen table when he returned and he sat across from her.

"You've moved on," she stated, and her voice was oddly devoid of emotion. She did not sound accusing and yet it achieved just that, it made his guilt grow tenfold.

"Marian…" he began but what was there to say?

"I noticed, you know. I know you," she said quietly. "You've been holding back."

"I…," he ran a hand over his face, then through his hair before he looked back up at her. "If only I had known… I thought you were dead, lost to me for good. There wasn't a day going by, I swear –"

"You thought I was dead, I understand," she cut him off but his guilt wouldn't ease, her face betrayed her words.

"Regina," she repeated. "Is this Regina the same Regina… the Evil Queen?"

Robin never cared for what people thought of him, he has lived in the woods, defied the law, spent a long time on the run with his wife. He was an outlaw, a man of his own rules. He never cared for any judgment or what people thought of him and Regina together either. And yet Marian's simple question put him on the defense.

"She's not evil. She's changed," he said.

"So I've heard," she smiled without humor. "And I suppose it answers my question."

Robin reached over the table to grasp her hand. She was with him, right in front of him and yet she felt so far.

"It's all so complicated." He held her hand, grasped it tighter but she didn't return the courtesy.

"She… she stands for everything you hate with a passion. Everything you used to fight against. She's a danger to our son. What happened to you since I've been gone?"

"I lost, and grieved and survived. Roland is _my everything_ and if she were any kind of a danger to him, she wouldn't be near him."

"Do you love her?"

"I don't know."

Silence.

"Look… we'll get through this," he began, and he felt so bad, so guilty because he had no answer either which way, and he was feeling bad for Marian and for Regina and it was all so messy.

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I loved you," he replied vehemently, how could she even question that.

It took him a moment to realize what he said.

"I love you. Of course I love you," he clarified and she finally moved her hand, over his to grasp it, and there was sadness in her eyes.

Everything changed that day.

That conversation keeps playing over and over in his head. It's an odd conflict of the heart and mind. He feels like he's betraying her and Regina at the same time. He has mulled over his own words and unwitting confession over and over again. It is all a chaos. Infuriating, sad, messed up. He's failing someone, including himself, and he wishes for a simple solution but there isn't and that realization itself is staggering.

He has moved on, he has let someone in, and even if he put his guilt over Regina aside, it goes way beyond that. She keeps invading his mind. When Marian scoots closer to him at night, he remembers the way he held Regina in his arms. She fit him, her body seemed so fragile yet resilient, and wrapping his arms around her, feeling her warmth against his chest flashed before him each time he closed his eyes. Thinking of Regina felt like a betrayal to Marian at first and then, somehow, he doesn't know when and how, it turned around. Being with Marian feels like a betrayal to Regina. He wants to scream, in the dead of the night, because neither deserve this.

Each day he finds himself missing Regina's face looking back at him, determination, mischief, annoyance, vulnerability… everything that he has seen from her over the past few months. He misses picking her brain, he misses having her attention, her presence and he sometimes thinks about slipping out in the middle of the night to seek her out and then he feels bad because his Marian is back, and she deserves better. The mother of his child, his partner, his other half. She's important, she should be important, and he can't just up and leave, not when she's breathing and living, barely having escaped death.

But he hates himself also, because he hasn't spoken to Regina in two weeks, and by now she must think he doesn't care. And she has not come to seek him out either, and that, instead of making it easier on him, upsets him even more.

He has two soul mates, for Marian surely is one, too. He used to burn for her as much as he does for Regina, a woman he yet has to discover so much more of. But it's a pull, and he had a taste, and he can't forget her. And it's not just the sex and her body that makes him physically ache for her. It's the comfort, the ease, a connection and the hope she has given him in return that he misses, too. And his wife is back, and that should have brought hope and love again, but she's the past. He is not the same man anymore. If he were, he would be holding her tight now instead of sitting by the bed and staring at her. He wouldn't be agonizing over how best to deal with this situation. If he were the same man, there would be no doubt in his mind.

But he can't leave her. It's a whole new world for her, something she's so unfamiliar with, and she looks at him with the same love and devotion that he remembers. The same look and memory he remembers burying for his own sanity.

And it's a sad and painful realization that he has fallen in love with Regina, that his heart belongs to another now, and that part of him that belonged to Marian is unable to fight. Yet it is an unthinkable idea to abandon her. He owes her the safety of a home, he owes her her son, because he has let her down before. He can't do that to her again, he cannot do that to Roland again.

Robin buries his head in his hands in the quiet of the night and sighs in frustration. This is driving him insane. No matter what, he is letting somebody down. His heart has made a decision but his mind is choosing another.

"I left you."

His head snaps up, surprised by Marian's voice, and he finds her laying on her side, staring back at him in the dark.

"What?" He asks confused, he was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even see her awaken.

"At the camp. You didn't find me after the siege, because I left you," she says with tears in her eyes.

His mind doesn't comprehend what she's saying.

**To Be Continued….**


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